


Chotee

by animeandraia (maliciouslycreative)



Category: Bakuten Shoot Beyblade, Beyblade
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Making Up, POV First Person, Past Infidelity, Past Relationship(s), Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 07:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maliciouslycreative/pseuds/animeandraia
Summary: Rei Kon has spent two years running from his past and the man he loves. He thinks it's easier. He knows it's probably wrong but he really doesn't want to face the fact that he's still in love with Kai even though he really shouldn't be after everything Kai did.





	Chotee

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on August 31, 2004 on ff.n. 
> 
> I wrote this fic after seeing Bif Naked live in concert. Since songfics weren't technically allowed on ff.n when I wrote this I sort of cheesed the system by only having a few lines of several different songs in this. The italicised words in the first part are all song lyrics.
> 
> Also I half wanted to use my original summary to this but ultimately I couldn't do it. What was 17 year old me thinking. "When the relationship that meant everything fell apart one's left a little lost. If everything's broken and the pieces are missing, what's left?". JESUS. I sound like an edgelord.

**Chotee**

I guess you could call me a wanderer, a vagabond. I've found myself roaming the continents of the world with no purpose. I've been entered in small tournaments winning money, working when I need to.

I spent a great deal of time in the USA, but after about half a year decided to move on. It was nice, but everyone has a scary obsession with guns. I've moved on to their northern neighbour, Canada. They're similar, but the Canadians actually know what gun control is. Plus I find myself addicted to Tim Hortons Iced Cappuccinos in the summer and double double coffee in the winter. 

I have to say that in all this traveling I've worked on my English a great deal. Plus I've gotten my mind off of certain things. A certain asshole that ruined the life I had planned. The memory of what happened two years ago still play through my memory all the time. That last battle with Brooklyn… everything being won yet lost at the same time. I was never one to hold grudges until that year. Now I hold several. Resentment at Kai and Takao, resentment at Brooklyn and Garland and regret that Brooklyn didn't kill anyone. That'd make things so much easier. I could lament over Kai's death for a while and then move on with my life. Now I have to live worrying that I might see him-

"ID?" The bouncer asked. I took my ID out of my pocket and showed him. 18, the legal drinking age in Alberta. Quite a handy thing actually.

I was currently residing in downtown Calgary in a small yet pricy flat. I had gotten a job with the BBA starting beyblade training programmes in Canada. Despite its close ties with the States, Canada's uptake of beyblading had been rather slow. In a couple days I would be flying to Toronto where the youth Canadian championships were being held. I was to act as the judge slash announcer… essentially I'm supposed to be the Canadian DJ Blader.

I entered the crowded club. While walking around I had seen a poster advertising a band playing at this club tonight. The singer on the poster had been rather hot, so I had decided to check it out. Bif Naked she called herself, rather unique name I think.

_Get offa me! Away from me! Get me outta here! Don't follow me! Don't bother me! I'm no leader._

I laughed at the irony of the song. Sounds like Kai wrote those lyrics… Why am I thinking about him anyways? Oh yah, he only ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. Yah, we were only 16, but still I was in love. It's kind of depressing though when you walk in on your boyfriend making out with one of your best friends. Twice. Yah, that's right. Kai and Takao going at it on the bed I shared with Kai.

I ordered a Molson and took my beer to an empty table.

This all happened right before we broke up. There were some tense times between us all… I got the full story of Takao after I gave him a black eye. Apparently Kai got pissed, came onto him and they wound up together. To say the least interaction between Kai and I has been minimal for years. I've managed to forgive Takao somewhat. But then again it could have to do something with how we had a bit of a fling. Takao seems to get around a fair bit. I mean, he dated all Max, Zeo, Hiromi and Ozuma. Not necessarily in that order. I don't know who he's with currently anyways. Last I heard from Kyoujyu Takao was having another go at Max.

That happened right before the Bladebreakers broke up. And that wasn't the last time I saw those two together again. No, I saw them one final time after Kai's battle with Brooklyn. I was so close to getting back together with Kai…

"I don't know about you all," Bif's rough voice spoke as she took a break from singing. "But I believe there's true love out there. It does find everyone, but it finds some people out there…"

I stopped paying attention to talking. Come on, everyone knows it's a sham. A lie that our minds make up. I believed in it once, I guess I read a few too many of Mao's romance novels though. My only meaningful relationship fell through.

And it's not like I never tried dating again. I had that short fling with Takao after all. But that was mostly to get back at Kai. And then there have been a couple people here and there, but nothing lasting. I didn't feel that connection ever again…

I let my thoughts fade away as I listened to the slow and seductive beat of the song.

_Remember the time we made love in the roses? And you took my picture in all sorts of poses! How could I ever get over you, when I'd give my life for yours. I know, we are… we are the lucky ones. I know, we are… we are the lucky ones. I know, we are… we are the lucky ones. I know, we are-_

I felt the hand on my shoulder and I spun and stood. Crimson. I saw crimson eyes. Those damned seductive crimson eyes.

_The lucky ones dear. My dear, It's time to say I thank God for you. I thank God for you in each and every single way. And, I know… I know… I know… I know... it's time to let you know. Time to let you know. Time to let you know. Time to sit here and say:_

"Bastard." I hissed and shoved him away. What right does he have to talk to me? And how did he find me? If we weren't in a bar I'd clock him one now.

"Rei, I-"

"I don't care. How did you find me?" I glared down at him for I was now a couple inches taller.

"Kyoujyu told me. It took a lot of convincing. But I've been chasing you all across the continent."

"Don't be sappy with me, Kai. You fucked up good and I don't need to know what you have to say." I turned away from him and started to leave. He caught me by the arm and pulled me back.

"Listen, dammit!" His grip tightened. "You never let me say anything after the whole incident."

"Kai," I looked him dead in the eyes. "I loved you. I don't now." His grip lightened and I pulled free.

The song ended and Bif returned to her talking. "You all know how I always got stories to tell at these things. Well, here's another one of them. I ran into an old girlfriend from high school a couple weeks back. We got talking about how things were going. She said she fucked up pretty good. Went and married her high school sweetheart."

The drummer hit a couple drums.

"She said it was sweet for years. He treated her good and they were happy, that is until after she had the kid. He went out and had an affair with two women and one man. I always say 'if you're going to do something, do it right.' But fuck, cheating on your wife with three different people? That's some fucked up shit, man. This song's about that. Going with someone you don't love and then screwing them over, this goes out to my old friend and to all those that have been fucked this way. This is Chotee."

_I was just outa high school, in my first band…I married my drummer. Our love was grand. I thought it was forever - till death do us part. Then he cheated on me and he broke my heart_

I laughed at the irony of it all. Love songs that fit in my relationship with Kai. She's a fucking psychic. I'll have to buy all her albums when I get the chance.

"I loved you too, Rei." His voice was soft, but my ears even picked it up amongst the din. "I still do now."

I laughed at him. "People in love don't go and screw around with their friends."

I could tell my words hurt him for he winced and took a step back. "It was only once…"

"Kai, I walked in on you and Takao partially clothed on _my_ bed. Who in their right mind would forgive someone for that? Don't blame the alcohol, either. It was still your choice. And not to mention you did it a second time! And that time you were **sober**!"

I could see the desperation in his eyes as I looked at him then. "I'm not asking you to forgive me… I just… I want another chance."

"How am I supposed to give you a second chance if I don't forgive you? It doesn't work that way, Kai." I sat back down in my chair and grabbed my beer. "I don't care what you say, I won't take you back."

He took the chair next to mine and sat. I didn't see any harm in letting him sit there; he seemed deep in thought anyways. I glanced back up at Bif as she finished off her song.

_So long, my baby. It's so so long, so long my baby_

As the instruments finished up there was a cheer from the audience.

"Any of you seen Alien Versus Predator yet?" There was a slight round of cheers. "None of that shit's real. I don't believe in it. It's just some fake shit done by some fancy special effects. Only thing I believe in is the love of a man and a woman," she pointed to the ceiling, "Up in space. This is Spaceman."

_I see your face on television, almost every day, in magazines and on the big screen. Close yet far away. I wonder why you choose those others and you never come to call on me when I'm the one who's waiting for you. I really need you - please pick me!_

"I've tried to forget you."

I barely caught Kai's voice when he spoke, but my neko-jin hearing was perhaps a little too sharp. "I tried to move on to others… I felt awful about everything. I even sli… I…"

It was very unlike Kai to stumble over his words. I leaned in closer, genuinely interested for the first time. He was avoiding my gaze, I assume he's very ashamed of something.  
"I…" He tried again but failed. He removed his right glove to reveal his arm. Over the vein in his wrist was a healing wound. "Yuriy found me… he called an ambulance and he's the reason I'm here now."

I couldn't help but feel a couple pangs of sorrow and guilt. Kai had obviously lost a lot of his stability over the last couple years. Some of it seemed due to our rather painful break up, and some of it probably had deeper ties.

He finally looked up into my eyes. I saw unshed tears forming

_Calling all aliens, come rescue me._

"I can't do it anymore."

This was not the Kai Hiwatari that I knew two years ago, this wasn't even the Kai Hiwatri I met when I was 14 and the Bladebreakers just formed. This was a completely different man… a desperate one.

It was like in a dream, I reached out and encircled him in my arms. His pale hands gripped the fabric of my loose shirt like it was his last lifeline.

I don't know where I stand on any of this. Hell, I don't even know where I am. I've been wandering around for so long that I've gotten lost. I think Kai has too. As much as I hate what he did and as much as I want him to go away, I don't think I can do it alone anymore. I don't want what we had all those years ago, that was destroyed within the span of seconds. We can't repair this broken relationship; too many of the pieces have been lost. I don't see why he tries to hold onto it so strongly. Unless… unless he sees something I don't.

_Any day, now... it's gonna start - my real life. And any day, now: everything is gonna be all right... Any day, now: life's gonna get real good. And somehow: life'll be like I said it would_

But… today is not that day.

I pushed him away and stood up. "I can't do this now, Kai." And I turned my back and left.

I think he tried to follow me. I can vaguely remember him yelling after me but his voice was lost in the crowd

_Any day, now - my ship will finally come in... Any day, now: I'm gonna jump right in._

I drove to the BBA office. I told the woman at the desk that I needed to bunk at the office.

She nodded and gave me a key.

Daitenji-san had had a special wing built for employees or bladers that just needed a quick room for a night or two. He said if I ever needed I'd just go and tell the girl at the desk and she'd give me a key. I entered the elevator and clicked the button for the sixteenth floor. Sixteen… we had only been sixteen at the time. Two years ago, he had done it two years ago.

My fist slammed into the wall of the elevator. There was a loud crunch to accompany the searing pain that shot through my whole hand. Broken…

All I wanted now was to sleep.

-x-

I tugged my old yin yang finger gloves on. I winced slightly at the pain of my injured knuckles. I hadn't broken anything, that time. But I had split the skin and had to have several stitches. With a sigh I looked in the mirror. I was tired but was wearing my game face. I couldn't let my audience down after all. A lot of people were excited to have an announcer as famous as me.

I exited my dressing room and headed to the control both to pick up my mic and get the final scoop on the day's happenings. I took a detour into the employee/competitors lounge. A lot of the bladers were relaxing in there. Among them some of the regional champs.

Sitting in a corner by herself was the prospected winner. She was fourteen-year-old Briana Trainer and rather quiet, but to my knowledge she sounded exactly like Boris of team Neoborg. Her attacks were ruthless and could even injure her opponent physically and she showed little emotion. Frankly she creeped me out a bit.

Standing over the snack table was a boy that showed great potential as well. From what I hear he's a lot like Takao and idolises the doof. I think his name was something like…

"REI!" The boy whose name I couldn't remember ran from the snack table. He skidded to a halt right before me. "Dude! It's so cool that you're announcing for us! I've seen a lot of your old matches, you're a wicked blader! Do you have your blade here? Can I see it?"

Yah, a lot like Takao. I chuckled and pulled my blade out of my pocket. By now there was a small crowd forming around us. A lot of people here weren't too familiar with me anymore, I hadn't been a big part of the blading world for the past two years.

"Like what you see?" I smiled at the boy… Mark. That was his name.

"Definitely!" He brought his blade out and showed it to me. "Some day I'm going to battle you, Rei. And it won't be an easy battle, but we'll have a good time."

I couldn't help but smile at the younger boy. "I'd love to. You might actually pose a challenge since I haven't been practicing as much as I should be."

"No he won't." Came a sharp female voice. We all turned to se Briana standing nearby with her arms crossed. She rather reminds me of Kai now… "His movements are to erratic and his blade wobbles a bit to the left. Not to mention his attack ring is chipped."

"Hey! Who are you to say that stuff?" Mark yelled at the girl.

I put a hand on his shoulder in a calming gesture but he just shook me off.

"Briana Trainer, Maritimes champion. I won the tournament there without a single loss."

"Those are big words for someone so small." Mark stepped towards the girl. He towered over her by a few inches.

She walked forward until their bodies were practically touching then she looked up. "I look forward to grinding your pride into the ground." With that she spun on her heel and walked out of the room.

"Man does she piss me off. And I barely even know her." Mark grumbled.

I smiled softly at the boy. "You know, you two remind me of Takao and Kai."

Mark's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yah you-"  
"Oh! There you are!" Daitenji-san halted as he saw me in the lounge. "I've been looking all over for you. They want to give you some final briefing before the tournament. Better head up to the announcer booth."

"Hai, Daitenji-san." I turned to the kid. "Have a good tournament!" Then I pocketed my blade and headed to the announcer booth.

-x-

I coughed and tried to wave away the thick smoke. Man, that had been one intense battle. Those two were going at it like life depended on it.

"Uhh…" I could see the dish slightly through the smoke. There was one blade spinning. My neko-jin eyes slit in concentration. It was… "And Mark takes the third and final match, making it two wins and one loss against Briana! Mark is the new Canadian champ!"

The crowd erupted in cheers and Mark pumped his fist in the air, which only caused him to wince from his injuries. Briana on the other hand wasn't very pleased with the results.

People were starting to get up when Detenji-san pushed his way out onto the arena and over to me. He took the mic from me and started to speak, slightly out of breath. "Could I have everyone's attention for a second? I'd like to congratulate Mark Wilkins on his win. And I'd also like to announce that we will be having a surprise bonus match. Don't worry, Mark. It's not part of the tournament. Just a friendly exhibition match."

That's when I saw it, the white scarf. I knew what Detenji-san was going to say, and there was no way in hell I was going along with it.

"{Dtenji-san, I'm not going to be-} " I began but he cut me off

He turned off the mic for a second and replied in Japanese, "{Now Rei, the crowd will love it.}"

It's not the crowd I'm worried about… it's facing _him_ again. Our last encounter wasn't very pleasant.

A roar of cheers erupted as people spotted Kai. Unlike me, Kai was still a big name in the blading world. I sighed; I really had no choice in this. I took my blade and launcher out of my pocket and readied myself for battle. I hope my injuries don't hinder my launch…

I locked eyes with Kai. All of the weakness of last night was gone and I was facing the Kai of two years ago. I could see the emotionlessness of them and found it somewhat comforting.

"Dude! Can I ref?" Mark yelled and gave Detenji-san puppy dog eyes. Apparently his injuries aren't that great.

"I suppose." Detenji-san handed over the mic reluctantly to the younger boy.

"Alright!" Mark yelled into the mic. His voice carries like Takao's does… "Bladers at the ready!" Both Kai and I aimed for the dish. "Three, two, one, let it rip!"

We let loose with a dizzying array of attacks and aversions.

"{Rei, " He began in Japanese.}" I want to make a wager on this battle. "

"{Keep talking.}"

"{If I win, I want you to listen to me a for a while, but if you win… you can do what you like.}"

"{Fair enough.}" I was just glad he didn't say something like I'd have to go out with him again. I could do the talking thing.

Kai let loose with a fury of attacks while I was still slightly distracted. Very stupid on my part really… with one fierce attack he sent my blade wobbling.

Shit.

Since becoming fluent in English my language had become a little more… colourful. Anyways, I _have_ to win this.

"Drigger!" My blade increased in rotation and Drigger appeared. Shortly after my lead Kai called out Dranzer.

It was almost magical to see those two blades in the fray together. It brought me back to before our relationship fell apart. Back to when we were still young and innocent. I hated him so much at that moment for destroying that.

-x-

_This is it, I'll forgive him today. I hated how he cheated on me and with one of my friends none the less. But I need him too much to ignore him for much longer… Kai…!_

_"So you got Dranzer back ok?" It was Takao's voice… but what was Takao doing in Kai's room. I paused to see what was going on._

_"Hn." Was Kai's response._

_Takao gave an exasperated sight. "Are you sure you're ok after that battle with Brooklyn_

_"Hn."_

_"Dammit, Kai!" I head a loud thud. It sort of sounded like someone's body hitting the wall… "Can't you open up just once? Can't you let me in just a little?"_

_"Takao…"_

_The hallway fell silent. I began to breathe again as I stared at the slightly open door. What's going on here…?_

_I crept forward slowly. Hand shaking I reached out and swung the door open silently. Slowly I let my gaze land on them. Kai and Takao leaning against the wall… kissing._

_I bit my tongue so hard it bled. Silently I fled to the nearby washroom and locked myself in there._

_No_

_-x-_

"No…" I muttered. "NO!" I screamed and channelled my fury into Drigger.

I know I have issues…I know I should let this be in the past. But that day something in me died. It might have been my trust. It might have been my heart…

"Rei?" There was a hint of concern in Kai's eyes.

He's not going to win, not now, not ever. I'll show him!

I was breathing hard. I felt my lungs were going to burst. It was almost like I was fighting the battle, not Drigger. Please, let me win, I can't loose to him again. All that time I spent wandering aimlessly it's because of him, he did it! There's no one else to blame he did it!

"Bastard" I yelled, but my yell was muffled by Drigger's fierce attack. I covered my face with my arms and turned away as pieces of the dish flew everywhere. I could feel chunks of metal and rock pelting my skin.

And as the dust cleared I saw it. Shattered, I had shattered everything but my blade. Dranzer lay in a sea of ruin. Little was still intact of the once magnificent blade.

There's no one to blame… but me.

I felt the realisation wash over me with a wave of nausea. I did the only thing I could then, I ran. Blindly I shot out of the arena and down a hallway. I didn't know where I was going; I didn't know where I'd been. All I saw were the walls passing me by, my life passing me by. I was wasting it all. I hadn't done anything. Stupidly I had blamed this all on Kai when it was really me… I was a coward. Not worthy of my title, not worthy of anything.

"Rei!" I felt the strong arms encircle me. The sudden hindrance caused me to stumble and I brought us both to the ground. I began to shake then. Unshed tears brimming in my eyes.

"Go away, Kai!"

"I…"

Bastard, why won't he let me go? If he doesn't go now… I may say something I shouldn't.

"Rei, shh."

He held me close then. He held me like before… before any of this happened. Back when we were happy…

The tears escaped my control and fell down my cheeks softly. "I still love you."

When his grip loosened slightly, I assumed he was surprised, I wrenched my body free and pushed him backwards to the ground. I pinned him down and glared down at him. "I can't live without you. I hate you but I still love you at the same time. Why are you doing this to me?" I screamed.

A single tear appeared in the corner of his eye. "Rei-"

"No! I don't want to hear this! I don't want to feel anything! Why damn it?"

The tear slid down his cheek. "I love you always." His voice was so soft, so tempting…

I felt it shatter again. Those words… he had uttered them that first night, the first time we kissed. I had felt so warm that night; I had felt so special…

"Kai…" I moaned and laid my head to rest on his chest.

We laid there in silence for what felt like eternity. I sobbed into his scarf and he just laid there. We were both broken. I don't think anything could ever be repaired between us… I don't think we ourselves could be repaired.

I got up slowly. I turned my back to him and began to walk away again.

"Rei, you're just going to leave? Even after all that?" His voice was soft and I could hear the hurt in it.

"If you… if you **truly** love me, then show me."

We were broken.

Broken, yet not irreparable.

Maybe… just maybe… between the two of us, we'll have most of the pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on [tumblr!](http://maliciouslycreative.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Songs in order of appearance: Leader, Lucky, Chotee, Spaceman, Any Day Now.


End file.
